Silly Kid Stuff...(updated 7/8/08)

I was taking Samantha to camp this morning, and she asked what we were having for dinner tonight - and I told her roast turkey. She told me that I had better hurry home from work to make her some gravy, because "...if mommy can't dry it out, she can't make it". That kid had better either learn to cook, or suffer in silence!

Samantha apparently has a better grasp of some of the finer points of life than I would have guessed. She has a young friend that has a crush on her, and Laura was good naturedly teasing the young man a little the other day, asking if Samantha was his girlfriend. Samantha pipes up and says "yeah mommy, like he's EVER gonna get a girl".

I make no secret of the fact that I like "dork TV", and spend a lot of my TV time watching the Discovery channel. My wife isn't nearly as excited by "The Deadliest Catch" and "How It's Made" as Samantha and I are. The other day, Laura picks up the remote, and Samantha had a fit..."Mommy" she exclaimed, "they're about to show how they make CHAIN, I was WAITING for that!" "You want to see how they make chains?" Laura asks, amazed that the kid is as dorky as Daddy - and Samantha says "yeah, that's why daddy and I are smart, and you're not!"

Samantha - 1, Mommy - 0

Samantha and I were watching the news the other morning, and there was a story that involved a racial slur - something Samantha isn't normally exposed to in our home. In trying to explain what a racial slur was without using one as an example, I mentioned in passing that we had a lot of Irish heritage. She immediately got VERY excited..."Daddy, we're IRISH?" she exclaimed. "Does that mean we SPEAK Irish?"

(We've also stopped watching the bounty hunter from Hawaii - to properly thank him for having to have the discussion with my kiddo in the first place.)

They're building a new sporting goods store just south of Rochester, and we pass it every day on the way in. This week they finally put up a sign, and as we drove by, Samantha got a severe case of the giggles. "Daddy..." she laughed, "what are they going to sell over there?" she asked. I was merging and didn't really look over, I just said sporting goods sort of absent-mindedly. Samantha lost her composure entirely, and said "Then why did they put up a sign that says DICKS?".

There is just nothing appropriate that I can add here. I'm just going to pass this along, and let you do with it what you will.

We were looking at cars over the weekend, and Samantha had gone off on her own to find the one that she wanted. She came running back to me, breathless and excited - "Daddy, I found the fastest one on the whole lot!" she said. She took my hand to lead me over to the car she'd seen, saying "it says right on the window that it goes 51,000 miles!".

"Samantha" I said, "grab your shoes, we need to get a few things at the mall." to which she replied "Which mall, Daddy, the girl one, or the man one?" It took me a second or two to figure out what she meant...but I figured it out! I'm a big fan of Mill's Fleet Farm, and often call it "The Man's Mall" since they seem to have anything a man might need for a project. If that's the "man" mall, then by default, the regular mall must be a "girl" one, right? The kid is too smart for her old man...and she's just seven!

The other day while we were getting ready for breakfast, I asked Samantha if she wanted the Cheerio's or the Rice Krispies. She pondered it for a minute, and then said she wanted the Rice Krispies "...since they've gone to all the trouble of cutting them off of the bars." Confused apparently, but considerate - just another reason that I adore that little girl!

We were getting our day started today and Samantha was in her room getting dressed. Noticing the time I told her that we needed to keep moving at a pretty good pace, or we'd be late. Samantha had been teasing me all morning, and she had a pretty good case of the giggles going...and she looked me right in the eye, saying "why don't you just lighten up there, clown-boy!" As it turned out, we almost missed her bus - once clown-boy starts the tickling, time just flies out the window.

Laura has a bulldog that she just adores, and I was giving the dog a treat the other night. Jokingly, I told the dog that she was getting fat, lazy and spoiled (a statement I'll stand behind!) and Samantha was worried that maybe I'd hurt the dog's feelings with such an unflattering comment. Trying to match my daughter's serious tone, I explained that it was okay...the dog didn't speak English. "Of course she does!" Samantha patiently informed me in her most exasperated tones. "Isn't

she an ENGLISH bulldog?"

Recently Samantha and I went to a sporting goods store looking for something for my wife. While we were there I spotted a Twins jersey that was a miniature version of an authentic one...and I held it up to Samantha, trying to decide if it was her size. Noticing the price tag, I told Samantha that it was way too expensive for something she'd outgrow pretty fast. She looked it over and agreed, saying for that price, they could at least have gotten her name right too.

It's amazing how a child's mind works. Samantha was trying to explain to me how dangerous lightening was, and she said that getting struck by lightening was particularly dangerous. "When that happens" she explained, "...everyone can see your whole skeleton for a second!"

We saw the new James Bond movie "Casino Royale", and seeing Daniel Craig in the Bond role, I wondered if Samantha "got" that he was playing a character she knew from the other Bond movies. "Sweetie..." I began, "Do you know who that man is supposed to be?" and she looked me right in the eye and said "I think he's supposed to be James Bond, but Mommy says he ought to be called double-oh-hotness". Laura, your daughter ratted you out without a second thought!